Fear vs. Faith

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you by my righteous right hand." - Isaiah 41:10
Today marks three weeks until I arrive in Uganda!  It is so hard to believe the time is nearing. 

Although I am very excited, these few weeks have been a battle.  A battle of fear vs. faith.  A constant tension of "the risk" vs. "the call."  ...Although a wise Aunt of ours has told me that the "risks" about which I have worried are all trumped by the REAL risk of losing my heart.

I got my last of six shots this week and picked up the anti-malaria, cipro and sleeping meds to take. I bought my mosquito net and arsenal of deet. Fear wins.

Parker squeezes my hand as I get each of my shots and says, "It's ok, Mommy.  Don't worry."  Faith wins.

I hug the kids tighter, thinking about how far I am going.  I snuggle closer to Thomas at night.  Fear wins.

Turner comes into my room in the wee hours with a bad dream.  I invite her into our warm, safe bed.  I rub her back until her breathing is easy.  And tears well up as I think of those sweet children -- who God loves NO less than my daughter -- who have no safe place to go from their nightmares.  Their nightmares that are their real lives.  My heart breaks, and I feel a renewed purpose to go hug and love on them.  To let them know that their Father in heaven is their stronghold, their hiding place, their very present help in danger.  Faith wins.

I hear about the child prison we will visit.  The "squatty potties."  The disease.  It's hard to wrap my mind around.  Fear wins.

I see Turner lovingly preparing the headbands we will take.  I hear from a friend that her prayer request at school is for our mission trip.  I hear the kids talk at the dinner table about places like Uganda, Liberia, Nicaragua.  Faith wins.

Fear vs. faith.  It's a constant battle.  And I just pray every day that I let FAITH triumph.  That I remember He "upholds me by His righteous right hand."

As you can see, I am no hero for taking this trip (not even close!).  Actually, I feel very humbled and extremely inadequate.  I am just a girl who heard a call, who is trying to say "yes" more than I say "no."  (And trust me, I say "no" more often than I care to admit).  I am taking a very shaky step in faith.  I am committing to live in the Lord's strength and not my own.  ...If only for a short while.

Please lift our team up in prayer.  Pray for safety, for health, for peace, for reverence and for willing hands, listening ears and open hearts to God's leading.  After all, this is His story.  Not ours.